2013. What happened this year? Well I went to the University of Utah, experienced two jobs, traveled to the wonderful land of the Philippines with my buddy, Joel Clark and passed a hurdle called Biology class. Along with that, I've learned a lot about myself. I learned that I need to travel and experience the world. One of my biggest joys in life is learning the untold stories of people in different places. I love learning cultures and languages and histories of an area. I have determined that I have a lot of travel ahead of me, including Mexico, Korea, the Philippines again, maybe Hawaii, Seattle, California. One day I might travel to Ireland and Africa. Also, I learned that love is extremely important to me, however, not yet a goal I have placed in mind. I've learned a lot about the Philippines and that no matter what, I will always love the Philippines and do all I can to help and show my support for the people of those great islands. I've learned a lot in the past year, but I hope to gain better and more fulfilling life experiences in the next year. Here we come 2014.
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Pedro, known as Peter, stood at his car, staring emotionless through the window, his keys in hand. Without thinking, he unlocked the door and sat in the drivers' seat. He didn't move for several moments. It may have been 5 minutes or 5 hours. He didn't really care. The weather was warm enough he wouldn't die if he sat in his car all day and throughout the night. Finally he turned on the engine and drove home.
Earlier that day, Peter was getting ridiculously upset with everything. Maybe he was right to, maybe he was overreacting. Either way, he felt helpless. He was the only Mexican in the school and maybe in the town. The place he grew up in was a typical white community, full of rednecks and conservatives. He didn't mind most of the people because he grew up just the same way he did. At an early age, his parents had abandoned him and he was taken in by a Caucasian family. As far as he thought, they were his real family. However, he was Mexican in a white community with no ability to speak or practice anything of his culture. He had never been taught, so he simply pictured himself as white as everyone else. Others didn't seem the same way, however. He didn't know how much people meant it, but he would often get called "Spick" which he learned the meaning quickly. They would tell him to go back to his own country. Even the people he called friends, would make jokes without even realizing it. It seemed to be that those jokes occurred more often when he was present. All Peter wanted to do was get away, but didn't know where to go. He didn't fit in. Today and tomorrow are special days for the world. As it seems, the world turns its attention from busy work days, selfishness, and typical lifestyle to focus on the Christmas season. Those people that seemed so focused and distracted take time to buy gifts for others and give to the less fortunate. However, during the chaotic rush of this season, we all need to stop and think about the purpose of why we celebrate Christmas. Even though it's nice to receive gifts and spend time together as family or friends, the true focus of Christmas should be Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ entered this world in humble circumstances and lived a life of greatness. From the stable to the cross, his life was always intended for the benefit of others, our benefit. Living as a servant to others, he taught the world how to love, teach, live, and treat others. Even in his last moments, he was mistreated and crucified on a cross which now is a symbol to the world. He died so the world may receive his word, his gospel and come unto him. He died so that each of us may obtain eternal life. In this season, let's remember that our savior, Jesus Christ, gave us the greatest gift. He gave us life and the chance for life eternal. Merry Christmas! December 21, 2012. One year ago. What accomplishments or things have occurred in my life. Last year at this time I was in my last semester at Snow College with no job. However, I made awesome friends while I was there. I moved back to Sandy, enrolled at the University of Utah and began my first semester there. Along with starting school at the U, I also began work at the U in the Custodial Services. My experience at the U was enjoyable and I finished a semester, left work, traveled back to the Philippines with my buddy, Joel Clark. After my vacation, I buckled down and worked all summer to earn money for school. In the fall, I began my second semester at the University of Utah. In that semester, I met up with some old friends, discovered and watched the falling away of an amazing Filipino restaurant, and learned a lot of great stuff. In my second semester at the U, I took a class through Snow College, parallel to my regular classes and finally passed my Biology class after three tries. Now I'm sitting in my room, typing a blog about how things change even in one year. The world didn't end. It still has a while to go. There are four more days until Christmas. So, I guess, Merry Christmas.
She wears the beauty of all seasons,
Strewn about the traces of her smile. Her eyes peer with a powerful glance Penetrating all presence of grief. Where is she now? Where is that grin? The glow which touches and blesses. Give me light. Guide me to the beautiful way. She trails with an ambiance so great, Delicate and gently, yet swift. Four Moons call her, hear her. She unmasks the weary from their pain Drawing forth much mirth As each smile offers strength, hope, and love. Something I've noticed about myself is that I don't like people. That can go many ways, but the focus I'm drawing upon is people that just don't seem to get it. For instance, I don't like people who complain. Well, in a sense, all people complain and everyone has something to complain about. It's more the people who design this attribute to become their lifestyle almost. Sadly too, the typical complainer is a well off person, a sheltered person, a person that has always received without question. For those people, it seems like everything in life for them seems to be in favor of them. They are attractive, they have money, they are talented in many fields. My dislike with people like this isn't the fact that they have complaints; like I said, that's normal. The issue is that these people tend to complain to people who don't necessarily have as much or whose life is worse off. It seems they do this to gain some sort of sympathy. Well, many of us have had to pay for our own school, our own cars and toys. We've had to pay in full the trips we went on or the food we ingest. Many of us are not as attractive as we wish we could be and a lot of people have things that are beyond their control such as genetic features or race. Being fat is almost never a good reason to complain. That is something brought on by one's self. Of course there are the extremely poor, smelly, disfigured, untalented, lost ones, but from what I've seen a lot of those people are the most humble.
Along with the issue of those people being ignorant of others' sufferings, there are those that pick negative attributes or habits or features out of anyone and everyone they can. The funny thing with that is these people complain about how another person complains too much. I guess I might as well label myself in this category because there are a lot of things I find in people that I just avoid. The things that make me cringe. It seems like a lot of the time it's like a roast of a person, especially if you get two or more people together that share a hated feature of another. They just go on and on about how terrible that person is with no regard for that person's feelings. My last thing that I hate with people and this goes more now than it did five, ten years ago. People are obsessed with technology. Now don't get me wrong because I love and support technology. I use my computer everyday, my cellphone and occasionally play video games. However, when I wait at the bus stop and watch a middle aged man take nearly ten minutes to walk from his car to the door of a restaurant (which is literally six steps) because he's distracted by the texts or emails or whatever else is on his phone, I just want to slap him. Is it that hard to get inside the restaurant, sit down and then pull out the phone. I work at a gas station and more often than not, the person buying stuff will walk around the store for 30 minutes just talking with a bottle of water in hand. Finally when they decide to approach the counter, I can't talk because it would disrupt their conversation. They usually use a credit card and just sit there and chatter continually and with no care for the volume of their voice. After their card goes through and I hand them their receipt, they realize they need to grab something else and the process repeats. Like I said, I enjoy technology, but some companies are way too overdone. So much hype is given for certain devices that lack innovation, personality, and user-ability. The device costs so much for a software that exists inside of another device that costs half the price. By the way, the cheaper device tends to have more innovation, personality and user-ability. I think people need to quit judging, quit complaining, quit focusing on negativity, put the tech away and learn to see the sky, the world. They need to learn to understand what people may experience. That person that was tailgating you may be in a hurry to go to the hospital and you just gave them the finger. Realize what happens outside of your own bubble. I know I've posted about this recently, but I just keep feeling a prompting or urge that i should move. I don't know why and I wish it would go away. It just seems like the ambitious side in me is tugging in the direction I should move to. The place that seems closest is Songdo, South Korea. My entire life I've wanted to travel back to Korea. I don't want to travel there merely because I was born there, more that I just have had a fascination in the Asian side of the world for a long time. It's the same type of excitement most people have towards London, Paris, Rome, the Vatican. Not to say I wouldn't love to go there, I just feel a sense of desire to visit the opposite side of the globe first. I think there's a sense of not belonging. I'm Korean and everyone pretty much sees me and sees a weird Asian kid. Not to mention I'm ridiculously introverted so people assume I'm mad or angry or don't like them; none of which are true. So I don't belong here, and even in the Philippines, there were days where I was seen as this object rather than a person. I was Korean so everyone just automatically loved me, but I don't want to be loved because I'm different. I want to simply fit in somewhere where people aren't going to either shun me or smother me based on my appearance. Korea is a good place to start, even though I'll be singled out as the Korean from America that can't speak Korean. I don't yet know the outcome of Korea or even if I'll be able to go for sure. It's still determined by grades as well as decisions beyond my own control.
Next stop would be the Philippines, specifically Quezon City. I don't know why, but even though I lived far from Metro Manila, something inside of me is telling me Quezon City area. I have tons of friends in that area, so I assume the feeling is trying to be at least a little reasonable which is funny considering moving anywhere outside the country and trying to make a living and survive is an extreme risk. However, in the Philippines, I know my way around, I know the prices and charges on things as well as several people and the language. Pagminsan, tumingin ako sa buhay kong ito at nangiisip kung tama ba ang ginagawa ko. Kahit naman hindi ako masyadong madaldal o malakas man, masaya ako. Ayaw na ayaw ko kapag may mga nagsasabi tungkol sa akin na masungit or galit ako. Hindi naman totoo. Kung may problema ako sa iyo, sasabihin ko. Mahiya lang akong tao. Ang nagbibigay ng kalakasan at kakayahan ko ay ang pansarili kong oras. Ayos lang sa akin kapag minsan-minsan magtambay sa may malaking grupo, pero kadalasan, masasaya ako sa kaisahan ko. Kaya kung makita mo naman ako, huwag na huwag mong sasabihin na ako ay masungit. Lumapit nalang sa akin at pausapin ako. Mag-uusap naman ako. Kadalasan din, gusto ko ng kausap pero mga tao ay nag-isip na ayaw ko. Gusto ko. Gustong gusto ko ng mga kaibigan, lalo na ang mga babae. Kasi may isang kaibigan akong babae nuon para sa mga anim na taon, ngunit may ginawa akong kamalihan at nawala siya sa aking buhay. Kung kaya kong ibalik sa nakaraan, gawin ko nang walang hintay. Miss na miss ko siya sa buhay ko at miss na miss ko ang katalikan ng pag-ugnayan namin. Hindi talaga makaalam na sobrang malahaga ang isang bagay sa buhay hanggang wala na siya. Parang lang gusto kong umalis. Gusto kong mag-umpisa ulit sa aking buhay. Gusto kong gawin ang iba sa mga pinili ko. Ang hirap naman nitong buhay na ito.
Here is the plot line of the new thriller movies.
"Hey, Stacy, did you see this?" Rachel showed off the fuzzy bright screen on her smartphone. Stacy, who was mid-bite of her turkey and swiss club sandwich, looked up at the smudge-covered screen. "Rachel, you know those things are complete bull, right?" "I don't know," she returned, "this was so realistic." Stacy swallowed the bite of bread, turkey, cheese combination and laughed. The ignorance was too entertaining, but she had to know this when they became friends. Rachel was one of those girls that simply rode through life on her looks and her looks alone. Obviously Rachel hadn't lived through the 2000's or the age of emails and forwards. "Rachel, relax. These things were a big thing for a long time. Some bored geek with no life wanted to get a rise out of people, so he created a story and tells you that you have to forward it or whatever or you'll die or have bad luck or stay a virgin forever." "Well," said Rachel in reply, "the virgin part won't apply to me." She giggled at her own statement. Rachel now understood the text was just a chain mail junk. -- Later that day when Rachel got home, she found no one was home, but she quickly turned on her Facebook app and checked in at home, and then watched TV. There was a knock at the door. Rachel wasn't expecting anyone so she ignored it. Another knock. She glanced at the door to see a tall silhouette standing at the door. Suddenly the lights when out and the door was kicked in. "Who are you!?" shouted Rachel. "You didn't forward the message." said the man. "How'd you know where to find me?" "You checked in on your Facebook, it wasn't that hard." With that, a chase scene through furniture and a dark house happens and then the knife in Rachel's back. -- Stupid girl. That's essentially what thrillers will be. Sometimes it feels like life should be heading in one way, but it turns out that fate and chance pulled you another way. Sometimes you plan things out that never actually see the end goal. Sometimes you imagine that at 23, you would have been married, in a career, living in your own place and loving life. Other times you stand at the place where you are and turn around and stare down the vast, hollow and empty tunnel which trails behind you. You stare endlessly at the few things you've done with your life. You see where your tunnel could have split off and gone in another direction and sometimes wish you could run back through the muddy waters of your life and take a different tunnel and see how far it takes you. You would run and stare down one tunnel and see that that one leads to wealth, or another one leads to a family. The one right before you chose to screw up with that person, or walk down a certain road instead of taking the main way. You see the tunnel at that pinnacle moment in your early life where life could have been bountiful, but painful. Or maybe, you chose the painful road and you stare longingly through to a life where you weren't where you are. Maybe before you took that joint, or before you got wasted and ended up in jail. Maybe you would have kept someone in your life because you realize that for so many years, you were living for that person. To make them happy, to see them smile, even if it meant not ever sharing a romantic interaction. Maybe that's the most important. But, there you stand at the dead silent end of your own tunnel looking back, not because life is finished or even close to finished, but because you realize that one or two of the tunnels you traversed lead to this life where you are only wishing to go back. Finally, after gazing off at what has been, the direction you can't alter, you turn around and see a straight tunnel and a million side tunnels which will eventually lead to other tunnels and so on until you forget about this vacant tunnel where you stood and wished. And someday, there will be a light at the end of one of those tunnels, where all the hard times, the trials, the hurt, the regret, the tears, the loneliness, the heart ache, the fears and unsatisfied dreams and hopes will seem like just a path in a labyrinth of tunnels.
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AuthorMatthew Petrucci characterizes himself as a kind and friendly person. Writing, music, and any sort of artistic hobby suits Matthew as entertainment and enjoyable. He embraces close friendships and remains true and loyal to those who take him in. Archives
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